My 16 year old niece moved in with us a year ago in February and I know I have said this before, but it has literally turned my world upside down. I mean come on I'm 34 years old and now have to raise a 16 year old. I am not old enough for this, right!! What was the Lord thinking? Well, while I can't even begin to understand how or what the Lord thinks, I do know that it was His plan to give Emily to us. See Emily was betrayed by her parents, the two people in the world that are suppose to love and protect you unconditionally, in ways that I can't even begin to comprehend and now she is so hurt, physically and mentally. So needless to say she acts out and makes very poor decisions. It sometimes seems as if my husband and I are continually having the same conversation with her only to find out she has done something again that we have asked her not to do or something she knows we would not approve of. Last night we were having this conversation. This time it was because of her lying to us again. She really seems to have a problem with this and this happens to be one of those things my husband and I just can't stand. We don't understand why she lies to us about things. We have asked her so many times just not to do it. We would rather hear a horrible truth than to have to find out she was lying about something. So anyway, we talk to her and of course she has nothing to say about the whole situation so she is excused to go. Then the whole conversation between Jason and I begins and we ask each other and ourselves why she does what she does and where we have gone wrong. We tell ourselves she is just really messed up from what has happened to her and try to justify it that way, but we really feel there has to come a time when you just have to let it go and start living your life the right way. We are trying to show her that way and as I told her I know we are strict, but we are only strict because it is our job to protect her and I am not going to allow her to continually do wrong and just have all the freedom that most of her friends have. But last night it really hit me. I have to take the I/me out of it. I can't fix this. I can't do anything to make her change. I can love her and be an example. And while I love her and try my hardest to be a good example, I fall short. I know that the Lord can fix this situation and that He is the only one that can do it. I know, believe me, I know I have to turn this over to the Lord and LET IT GO. I have to truly believe that He will fix this and stop allowing myself to undermine Him and think He can't handle it. I mean seriously I am talking about the Almighty God. So please pray for me and Emily. Pray that I will let go and let Him have this. Pray that when that sick feeling starts creeping in me that I will immediately ask my Jesus to take it. Pray that Emily will be convicted and realize that she NEEDS Jesus. She needs His saving grace, His guidance, and His amazing love.
7 comments:
I know all too well how hard this situation is for you. When Caroline was only 6 months old, my ex-husbands 14 year old sister moved in with us under similar circumstances. Talk about hard...an infant and a 14 yr. old who has severe issues.
I tried my best to help her. I was strict, laid out rules, and all to no avail. Finally, I decided to let it go. I told myself that as long as Caroline was safe, I would work through the lies and not let them get to me. Maybe not the best way to approach it, but it was all I could do at the time.
Her lies were only hurting her, and so I gave up, and just tried to be the best parent I could. The more I pushed, took away, tried, she got worse. So then I tried a different route...
I was doing all I could for her, so I thought maybe giving her a little responsibility would help. For a while it really seemed to work. She was happy, things were great, and I was so glad that I let it go, and decided to just be a little more relaxed, and give her a purpose.
Eventually we didn't have a happy ending...not to discourage you! I will never regret loving and caring for her the best I could. It just came to a time where I had truly done all I could, and Caroline was starting to suffer from her actions, so she had to leave. But, God does things for his own reasons, and I think with us, it was to give her a glimpse of a life and unconditional love that she never had. Maybe it made a difference, I hope so!
Keep your head up!
I don't know what to say. All I can do is pray for yall. I so so so admire yall for what you have done though. And everyone else does too. I know that she loves those girls. We saw her and your Mom at Wal Mart Friday night and she saw us first and hollered for Aubrey so Aubrey walked over to her and Emily hugged her and kissed her on top of the head. It was SO SWEET! You know I've told you that before I've seen her being so sweet and affectionate to the girls at church.
The lying would get to me too, it's so much easier to tell the truth. My Dad always told me that but I still told lies when I was a teenager. Maybe that's just part of being her age???
I'll keep praying...for her and for YOU!
Keep trusting the Lord, don't give up and don't get discouraged.
Also don't accept that teens will be teens and let her get away with any rebellion. When we do that, we allow them to give up any control over their actions or responsibility for their choices.
I did a post filed under "teenage" on my labels which may explain my thoughts on this better.
It sounds like you're doing everything right, so hang in there. And you're right, at some point she has to accept her past and stop blaming her choices on being the victim and move on.
Her choices are her own, she knows their wrong and she needs to accept responsibility for them. I know there are grownups that still blames their choices on their childhood.
Lying is a big thing to me too. I use to call 11-14 the lying years!
Wow, that's a really tough situation! I don't have any advice to give but I think its a wonderful thing you are doing, despite how hard it may be!
Praying you have patience and wisdom beyond all reason!
I wanted to stop by and say thank you for your sweet comment. It was such a blessing to read! You are so right...I need that time away with other Godly woman.
But now I am all consumed with your post. I can somewhat relate to that sick feeling that starts to creep in and you would do anything to take it away...been there. I am on my knees for you and Emily. I don't know all the details, but it sounds so familiar to my situation with my step daughter (I hate that word, btw!). Oh and the lying....I can't stand lying. I will specifically be praying for that too. And way to go (!!!) for stepping up and doing everything you can to raise this young lady! I am praying for all of you right now! Love & Hugs!
Amy, I've been thinking about this post since I read it last week.
I wish I had a step-by-step formula I could share with you, but we all know it doesn't work that way. As I've never parented a teen, I have never been in your shoes. And the only thing I can think to offer is to stay consistent, pray, love on her without trying to be her friend, pray, continue providing the good example that you are providing, and pray some more.
It has taken her a long time to get where she is, and her behavior may take a long time to change. And also be assured that her choices are Her choices. If you provide a home, love, discipline, and she continues down her own path, that is not a reflection on what you and Jason are doing.
Just don't get weighed down. I know that is easy for me to say, sitting where I am. But I know the Lord has placed her with you and Jason for a reason. Sometimes we can't see all of the pieces of the puzzle until years down the road. But for right now, just be assured that you are God's loving hands for her right now.
Hang in there, friend.
I will be praying for this situation with Emily. I will pray that the Lord heals her wounds and helps her to realize that you are trying to help her. What a blessing you have already been just by taking her in! May God bless you and your family.
Post a Comment